BE WISE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
BE WISE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
Background Passages:
Proverbs 12:16,18-19; 14:17,22,29; 15:1,18; 16:28,32; 17:9,14,17,19; 20:3; 19:11; 22:24-25,25:15; 26:21; 28:23
Lesson Passages:
Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1; 25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9; 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11; 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17
BIBLICAL SETTING
1. Choose Your Words (Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1; 25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9)
2. Control Your Temper (Proverbs 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11)
3. Consider Consequences (Proverbs 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17)
OUTLINE
1. Choose Your Words Carefully (Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1;25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9)
2. Cultivate Patience (Proverbs 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11)
3. Consider Consequences (Proverbs 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17)
KEY VERSE: Proverbs 17:17
BIBLICAL TRUTH
God expects His people to build and to maintain healthy relationships with
one another.
LIFE IMPACT
To help you work wisely to build and maintain healthy relationships.
CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY
(Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1; 25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9)
KJV (Proverbs 12:18) There is that speaketh like the piercing of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. (Sin) & (Witnessing)
(HCSB) There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise [brings] healing.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Like many children we often heard those words during our growing up years. They were spoken by a child being criticized. As adults we now know that saying is utterly un-true. Words can hurt. In fact they can be like a piercing sword. Speaking rashly is often the result of speaking in anger, and what damage we can do to a relationship when we speak angry words! We sometimes say things with anger in control, and maybe we don’t believe the words we say but when we apologize we still can't take back the words no more than we could take back an arrow after we have shot it.
When we learn to be wise in our communication, we can bring healing to others. We can affirm, express gratitude, encourage, teach, and share affection with our words.
KJV (Proverbs 28:23) He that rebuketh a man afterward shall find more favor than he that flattereth with the tongue. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) One who rebukes a person will later find more favor than he that flattereth with the tongue.
Sometimes we need to offer constructive criticism in order to build up a rela-tionship.
When someone rebukes us it's not fun; it hurts. But later we often realize the rebuke was given to help, it had at least some basis in truth, and it will probably aid growth. When someone flatters us, we do not feel hurt; we enjoy hearing such words. But flattery leaves a bad taste if we latter realize it was not really true and even the person who said it didn't believe it. Someone has compared flattery to a perfume. It smells good but it's not intended to be swallowed. A slanderer says thing behind your back that he would never say to your face, but a flatterer says things to your face that he would never say behind your back. Proverbs warns that flattery is one of the snares used by an adulterous women. "She lures with her flat-tering talk." (Proverbs 7:21)
KJV (Proverbs 15:1) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
It takes two to argue. When someone shouts in anger, "I hate you" or "You're worthless," people often respond in anger.
What a gentle response makes, "I don't hate you; I love you, and I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I'm not worthless, and I wish you wouldn't say that I am.
You are valuable to God and so am I." even when we feel angry, a gentle response will give our anger time to subside and will give the Holy Spirit an opportunity to control our response.
However, speaking a harsh word has the opposite effect. It stirs up wrath, es-calating the argument.
On the other hand, a rising voice and harsh words almost always trigger an angry response. To turn away wrath and seek peace, quiet words are your best choice.
KJV (Proverbs 25:15) By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A ruler can be persuaded through patience, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
Great is the power of a gentle tongue.
Through patient words a ruler can be persuaded, and gentle speaking can break a bone.
Words spoken without anger or great volume have the power to bless or blight others.
When people speak or shout angrily, they demonstrate they do not under stand the power of the words.
The most persuasive person I know speaks with the least volume of anyone I know. Jesus has taught me that the wisdom and sincerity of our words, not emo-tional fervor, is what convinces.
A gentle tongue can break a bone shows that words are powerful instru-ments.
KJV (Proverbs 12:19) The lip of truth shall be established forever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) Truthful lips endure for ever, but a lying tongue, only a moment.
"His word was his bond." I have heard those words spoken more than once about people now deceased.
Each time I have heard those words, they have been spoken with respect. People don't forget someone who demonstrates integrity by telling the truth. Truthful lips endure forever. On the other hand, a lying tongue endures only a moment. As soon as people find out that a person may distort, exaggerate, or evade the truth, they lose respect for that person and his or her influence is diminished forever. Even one lie is enough to ruin our opportunity to positively influence others.
KJV (Proverbs 16:28) A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief Mends. (Sin)
(HCSB) A contrary man spreads conflict, and a gossip separates Mends.
Contrary translates a Hebrew word that refers to something perverse or crooked. It is commonly used of twisted words. Thus the contrary man is one who says things that are perverse. Such a one repeats but twists what others say. This verse asserts such a person spreads conflict. The results of the behavior of a gossip is the same as that of one who perverts words. A gossip tells and retells stories; and as a result distortion and misunderstanding often occur. One who gossips separates friends. When that happens, relationships are fractured.
KJV (Proverbs 17:9) He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that re-peateth a matter separateth very friends. (Love)
(HCSB) Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.
This proverb is not saying we should cover our own sins, but that we should be willing to forget others' sins against us. Forgetting mistakes is necessary to any relationship. It is tempting, especially in an argument, to bring up all the mistakes the other person has ever made. Love, however, keeps its mouth shut --- difficult though that may be. Try never to bring anything into an argument that is unrelated to the topic being discussed.
As we grow to be like Christ, we will acquire God's ability to forget the con-fessed sins of the pasted.
I Peter 4:8 also states, "Love covers a multitude of sins.
CULTIVATE PATIENCE
(PROVERBS 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11)
KJV (Proverbs 14:17) He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated. (Sin)
(HCSB) A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man who schemes is hated.
It has been said that those who fly into a rage never make a good landing. This is the point of a quick-tempered man acts foolishly. We find he or she that moves quickly to anger without waiting to cool down. The results is foolish behav-ior.
Anger is a powerful emotion. It stimulates the release of adrenaline can over-ride cool thinking. Later when anger has subsided, we can see how our actions were foolish; but in the heat of the moment we allowed ourselves to be controlled by an-ger. That is foolish. If we continue to display such behavior, we should not be sur-prised if we are hated.
KJV (Proverbs 14:29) He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) a patient person [shows] great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.
This verse draws attention to the results of anger by making to contrasting statements; patience and impatience. When we are slow to anger, we can have great understanding. If we are short-tempered, however, we may act before we have all the facts; and that is foolish.
All anger is not sin. Anger is an emotion and can be used sinfully or right-eously. Jesus became angry, but He was "without sin." (Mark 3:5; Hebrew 4:15) Pray that God will help you control your anger, Channeling legitimate anger into ef-fective action and conquering selfish anger through humility and repentance.
KJV (Proverbs 15:18) A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A hot-tempered man stirs up conflict, but a man slow to anger calms strife.
We often think that anger is the results of strife between people, but anger is also the cause of strife. When conflict arises between two people, adding anger is like throwing gasoline on a fire. their problem is not merely having to deal with situations that are potentially explosive --- all of us must do that occasionally.
The difference is that when they get angry, they stir up conflict. On the other hand a man slow to anger calms strife. Calming strife is our goal, since we are to "live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18) Sometimes however, in order to calm strife we must first calm ourselves.
KJV (Proverbs 20:3) It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but ever fool will be meddling. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) It is honorable for a man to resolve a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel.
A person who is truly confident of his or her strength does not need to parade it.
A true brave person does not look for chances to prove it. A resourceful woman can find a way out of a fight. A man of endurance will avoid retaliating. Foolish people find it impossible to stay out of a fights.
Jesus said, "blessed are the peacemakers." (Matthew 5:9) "Seek peace and pursue it. (1 Peter 3:11)
Our goal in relationships should include avoiding conflict and settling it quickly when it arises. What is the honor in arguing? Anyone can do that. Children walk through mud puddles; adults walk around them. Similarly, wise people avoid and settle arguments; but others stride into the middle of conflict.
KJV (Proverbs 16:32) He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. (Discipleship)
(HCSB) Patience is better than power, and controlling one's temper, than capturing a city.
Self-control is superior to conquest. Success in business, school, or home life can be ruined by one who has lost control of his or her temper. So it is a great per-sonal victory to control your temper. When you feel yourself ready to explode, re-member losing control may cause you to forfeit what you want the most. This verse states that bring slow to anger is better than power. According to God's Word ruling over one's anger is better than ruling an army or an empire.
KJV (Proverbs 19:11) The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. (Discipleship)
(HCSB) A person's insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.
Some people live almost solely according to their natural impulses. Their make-up determines how they respond to interpersonal situations. Other people merely mimic their upbringing. If dad shouted at his wife, his son perpetuates this behavior. How do we learn a different pattern of behavior? We need insight, and we get that from mediating on the truths of God's Word regarding relationships. When God's truth becomes part of our thinking, we develop patience. When we are of-fended, the natural response is to counterattack.
CONSIDER CONSEQUENCES
(PROVERBS 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17)
KJV (Proverbs 22:24) Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: (Witnessing)
(HCSB) Don't make friends with an angry man, and don't be a companion of a hot-tempered man.
By association people tend to become like those around them. Even the nega-tive characteristics sometimes rub off. The Bible exhorts us to be cautious in our choice of companions. "The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm." (Proverbs 13:20) "Bad company corrupts good morals." (1 Corinthians 15:33)
KJV (Proverbs 22:25) Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. (Wit-nessing)
(HCSB) or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
Choose companions with characteristics you would like to develop in your own life. That we will be influenced by those we befriend is inevitable. Many teen-agers drink, smoke, or use drugs because they spend time with friends who are doing those things. Adults are not immune to social influence. When we spend time with someone who curses, such language may make its way into our vocabulary. Spend time with those who walk with God has an opposite effect. When our friends live pure lives and commune often with God, sin seems worse to use and holiness seems more attractive.
KJV (Proverbs 12:16) A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man cover-eth shame. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A fool's displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sen-sible.
When someone insults or embarrasses you, it is natural to retaliate. But this solves nothing and only encourages trouble. Instead, answer slowly and quietly. Your positive response will achieve positive results. "A soft answer turneth away wrath." (Proverbs 15:1) sometimes people brag, " I just say what's on my mind." While keeping silent may be a marked of cowardice, speaking our mind may be a mark of foolishness. The wise person knows when to speak and when to be silent. Sometimes responding to an insult serves no good purpose. This is when "silence is golden."
KJV (Proverbs 17:14) The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave of contention, before it be meddled with. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) To start a conflict is to release a flood; stop the dispute before it breaks out.
It is difficult to stop a quarrel once it gets started, so it is better not to let it be-gin. This verse begins with an analogy. To start a conflict is to release a flood de-clares that a quarrel likely escalate once it is started. If those involved in a small dis-agreement do not reconcile quickly, what began as a trickle can easily become a tidal wave. Like a leak in a dam, a disagreement that is not mentioned quickly will be-come an avalanche of water. The verse has a command to stop the dispute before it breaks out. Usually when an interpersonal disagreement is taken to court, the rela-tionship is lost, since a legal decision confers permanence on the disagreement. How
much better to reconcile the relationship permanently!
KJV (Proverbs 17:19) He loveth transgression that loveth strife: and he that exal-teth his gate seeketh destruction. (Sin)
(HCSB) One who loves to offend loves strife; one who builds a high threshold in-vites injury.
Someone who loves to offend responds to touchy social situations with ag-gression. This one stomps into interpersonal conflict, often saying something like, This is just the way I am; deal with it. This person loves strife: he or she seems for some healthy reason to thrive on it.
KJV (Proverbs 26:21) As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a con-tentious man to kindle strife. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) As for coals for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kin-dling strife.
Embers and fire are apt analogies for potential interpersonal conflict.
In virtually every relationship, conflict often smothers beneath the surface ready to flame up at the slightest provocation. A quarrelsome man is the charcoal and wood that fuels the fire. Instead of looking for middle ground this kind of per-son looks for the battleground.
KJV (Proverbs 14:22) Do they not err that devise evil? But mercy and truth shall be to them that devise good. (Sin)&(Love)
(HCSB) Don't those who plan evil go astray? But those who plan good find loyalty and faithfulness.
Some people work carefully and diligently toward doing what is wrong. As a result of such degeneracy, they wander off the right path alone. They then lose the possibility of living in fellowship with the people of God.
KJV (Proverbs 17:17) A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adver-sity. (Family)
(HCSB) A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.
There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend.
The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (1 Corinthians 13:7) --- being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. To many people are fair weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they're not getting anything out of the relationship. Think of your friends and assess your loyalty to them. Be the kind of true friend the bible encourages. A real friend is one of the most important blessings we can have in our lives. Whether the weather of our lives is fair or foul, friends will continue to love.
1. We are to use godly care in what we say and how we say it.
2. We are to be patient with one another, never allowing our tempers to control our behavior.
3. We are to consider carefully how what we do may impact relationships with other people and, with God's help, do all that is possible to build and maintain healthy re-lationships.
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Daniel McGee: Teaches Adult Sunday school at South River Baptist Church, States-ville NC. He may be reached at: 172 Seven Springs Loop, Statesville, NC 28625
Background Passages:
Proverbs 12:16,18-19; 14:17,22,29; 15:1,18; 16:28,32; 17:9,14,17,19; 20:3; 19:11; 22:24-25,25:15; 26:21; 28:23
Lesson Passages:
Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1; 25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9; 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11; 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17
BIBLICAL SETTING
1. Choose Your Words (Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1; 25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9)
2. Control Your Temper (Proverbs 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11)
3. Consider Consequences (Proverbs 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17)
OUTLINE
1. Choose Your Words Carefully (Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1;25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9)
2. Cultivate Patience (Proverbs 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11)
3. Consider Consequences (Proverbs 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17)
KEY VERSE: Proverbs 17:17
BIBLICAL TRUTH
God expects His people to build and to maintain healthy relationships with
one another.
LIFE IMPACT
To help you work wisely to build and maintain healthy relationships.
CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY
(Proverbs 12:18; 28:23; 15:1; 25:15; 12:19; 16:28; 17:9)
KJV (Proverbs 12:18) There is that speaketh like the piercing of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. (Sin) & (Witnessing)
(HCSB) There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise [brings] healing.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Like many children we often heard those words during our growing up years. They were spoken by a child being criticized. As adults we now know that saying is utterly un-true. Words can hurt. In fact they can be like a piercing sword. Speaking rashly is often the result of speaking in anger, and what damage we can do to a relationship when we speak angry words! We sometimes say things with anger in control, and maybe we don’t believe the words we say but when we apologize we still can't take back the words no more than we could take back an arrow after we have shot it.
When we learn to be wise in our communication, we can bring healing to others. We can affirm, express gratitude, encourage, teach, and share affection with our words.
KJV (Proverbs 28:23) He that rebuketh a man afterward shall find more favor than he that flattereth with the tongue. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) One who rebukes a person will later find more favor than he that flattereth with the tongue.
Sometimes we need to offer constructive criticism in order to build up a rela-tionship.
When someone rebukes us it's not fun; it hurts. But later we often realize the rebuke was given to help, it had at least some basis in truth, and it will probably aid growth. When someone flatters us, we do not feel hurt; we enjoy hearing such words. But flattery leaves a bad taste if we latter realize it was not really true and even the person who said it didn't believe it. Someone has compared flattery to a perfume. It smells good but it's not intended to be swallowed. A slanderer says thing behind your back that he would never say to your face, but a flatterer says things to your face that he would never say behind your back. Proverbs warns that flattery is one of the snares used by an adulterous women. "She lures with her flat-tering talk." (Proverbs 7:21)
KJV (Proverbs 15:1) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
It takes two to argue. When someone shouts in anger, "I hate you" or "You're worthless," people often respond in anger.
What a gentle response makes, "I don't hate you; I love you, and I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I'm not worthless, and I wish you wouldn't say that I am.
You are valuable to God and so am I." even when we feel angry, a gentle response will give our anger time to subside and will give the Holy Spirit an opportunity to control our response.
However, speaking a harsh word has the opposite effect. It stirs up wrath, es-calating the argument.
On the other hand, a rising voice and harsh words almost always trigger an angry response. To turn away wrath and seek peace, quiet words are your best choice.
KJV (Proverbs 25:15) By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A ruler can be persuaded through patience, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
Great is the power of a gentle tongue.
Through patient words a ruler can be persuaded, and gentle speaking can break a bone.
Words spoken without anger or great volume have the power to bless or blight others.
When people speak or shout angrily, they demonstrate they do not under stand the power of the words.
The most persuasive person I know speaks with the least volume of anyone I know. Jesus has taught me that the wisdom and sincerity of our words, not emo-tional fervor, is what convinces.
A gentle tongue can break a bone shows that words are powerful instru-ments.
KJV (Proverbs 12:19) The lip of truth shall be established forever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) Truthful lips endure for ever, but a lying tongue, only a moment.
"His word was his bond." I have heard those words spoken more than once about people now deceased.
Each time I have heard those words, they have been spoken with respect. People don't forget someone who demonstrates integrity by telling the truth. Truthful lips endure forever. On the other hand, a lying tongue endures only a moment. As soon as people find out that a person may distort, exaggerate, or evade the truth, they lose respect for that person and his or her influence is diminished forever. Even one lie is enough to ruin our opportunity to positively influence others.
KJV (Proverbs 16:28) A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief Mends. (Sin)
(HCSB) A contrary man spreads conflict, and a gossip separates Mends.
Contrary translates a Hebrew word that refers to something perverse or crooked. It is commonly used of twisted words. Thus the contrary man is one who says things that are perverse. Such a one repeats but twists what others say. This verse asserts such a person spreads conflict. The results of the behavior of a gossip is the same as that of one who perverts words. A gossip tells and retells stories; and as a result distortion and misunderstanding often occur. One who gossips separates friends. When that happens, relationships are fractured.
KJV (Proverbs 17:9) He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that re-peateth a matter separateth very friends. (Love)
(HCSB) Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.
This proverb is not saying we should cover our own sins, but that we should be willing to forget others' sins against us. Forgetting mistakes is necessary to any relationship. It is tempting, especially in an argument, to bring up all the mistakes the other person has ever made. Love, however, keeps its mouth shut --- difficult though that may be. Try never to bring anything into an argument that is unrelated to the topic being discussed.
As we grow to be like Christ, we will acquire God's ability to forget the con-fessed sins of the pasted.
I Peter 4:8 also states, "Love covers a multitude of sins.
CULTIVATE PATIENCE
(PROVERBS 14:17,29; 15:18; 20:3; 16:32; 19:11)
KJV (Proverbs 14:17) He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated. (Sin)
(HCSB) A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man who schemes is hated.
It has been said that those who fly into a rage never make a good landing. This is the point of a quick-tempered man acts foolishly. We find he or she that moves quickly to anger without waiting to cool down. The results is foolish behav-ior.
Anger is a powerful emotion. It stimulates the release of adrenaline can over-ride cool thinking. Later when anger has subsided, we can see how our actions were foolish; but in the heat of the moment we allowed ourselves to be controlled by an-ger. That is foolish. If we continue to display such behavior, we should not be sur-prised if we are hated.
KJV (Proverbs 14:29) He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) a patient person [shows] great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.
This verse draws attention to the results of anger by making to contrasting statements; patience and impatience. When we are slow to anger, we can have great understanding. If we are short-tempered, however, we may act before we have all the facts; and that is foolish.
All anger is not sin. Anger is an emotion and can be used sinfully or right-eously. Jesus became angry, but He was "without sin." (Mark 3:5; Hebrew 4:15) Pray that God will help you control your anger, Channeling legitimate anger into ef-fective action and conquering selfish anger through humility and repentance.
KJV (Proverbs 15:18) A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A hot-tempered man stirs up conflict, but a man slow to anger calms strife.
We often think that anger is the results of strife between people, but anger is also the cause of strife. When conflict arises between two people, adding anger is like throwing gasoline on a fire. their problem is not merely having to deal with situations that are potentially explosive --- all of us must do that occasionally.
The difference is that when they get angry, they stir up conflict. On the other hand a man slow to anger calms strife. Calming strife is our goal, since we are to "live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18) Sometimes however, in order to calm strife we must first calm ourselves.
KJV (Proverbs 20:3) It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but ever fool will be meddling. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) It is honorable for a man to resolve a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel.
A person who is truly confident of his or her strength does not need to parade it.
A true brave person does not look for chances to prove it. A resourceful woman can find a way out of a fight. A man of endurance will avoid retaliating. Foolish people find it impossible to stay out of a fights.
Jesus said, "blessed are the peacemakers." (Matthew 5:9) "Seek peace and pursue it. (1 Peter 3:11)
Our goal in relationships should include avoiding conflict and settling it quickly when it arises. What is the honor in arguing? Anyone can do that. Children walk through mud puddles; adults walk around them. Similarly, wise people avoid and settle arguments; but others stride into the middle of conflict.
KJV (Proverbs 16:32) He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. (Discipleship)
(HCSB) Patience is better than power, and controlling one's temper, than capturing a city.
Self-control is superior to conquest. Success in business, school, or home life can be ruined by one who has lost control of his or her temper. So it is a great per-sonal victory to control your temper. When you feel yourself ready to explode, re-member losing control may cause you to forfeit what you want the most. This verse states that bring slow to anger is better than power. According to God's Word ruling over one's anger is better than ruling an army or an empire.
KJV (Proverbs 19:11) The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. (Discipleship)
(HCSB) A person's insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.
Some people live almost solely according to their natural impulses. Their make-up determines how they respond to interpersonal situations. Other people merely mimic their upbringing. If dad shouted at his wife, his son perpetuates this behavior. How do we learn a different pattern of behavior? We need insight, and we get that from mediating on the truths of God's Word regarding relationships. When God's truth becomes part of our thinking, we develop patience. When we are of-fended, the natural response is to counterattack.
CONSIDER CONSEQUENCES
(PROVERBS 22:24-25; 12:16; 17:14,19; 26:21; 14:22; 17:17)
KJV (Proverbs 22:24) Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: (Witnessing)
(HCSB) Don't make friends with an angry man, and don't be a companion of a hot-tempered man.
By association people tend to become like those around them. Even the nega-tive characteristics sometimes rub off. The Bible exhorts us to be cautious in our choice of companions. "The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm." (Proverbs 13:20) "Bad company corrupts good morals." (1 Corinthians 15:33)
KJV (Proverbs 22:25) Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. (Wit-nessing)
(HCSB) or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
Choose companions with characteristics you would like to develop in your own life. That we will be influenced by those we befriend is inevitable. Many teen-agers drink, smoke, or use drugs because they spend time with friends who are doing those things. Adults are not immune to social influence. When we spend time with someone who curses, such language may make its way into our vocabulary. Spend time with those who walk with God has an opposite effect. When our friends live pure lives and commune often with God, sin seems worse to use and holiness seems more attractive.
KJV (Proverbs 12:16) A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man cover-eth shame. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) A fool's displeasure is known at once, but whoever ignores an insult is sen-sible.
When someone insults or embarrasses you, it is natural to retaliate. But this solves nothing and only encourages trouble. Instead, answer slowly and quietly. Your positive response will achieve positive results. "A soft answer turneth away wrath." (Proverbs 15:1) sometimes people brag, " I just say what's on my mind." While keeping silent may be a marked of cowardice, speaking our mind may be a mark of foolishness. The wise person knows when to speak and when to be silent. Sometimes responding to an insult serves no good purpose. This is when "silence is golden."
KJV (Proverbs 17:14) The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave of contention, before it be meddled with. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) To start a conflict is to release a flood; stop the dispute before it breaks out.
It is difficult to stop a quarrel once it gets started, so it is better not to let it be-gin. This verse begins with an analogy. To start a conflict is to release a flood de-clares that a quarrel likely escalate once it is started. If those involved in a small dis-agreement do not reconcile quickly, what began as a trickle can easily become a tidal wave. Like a leak in a dam, a disagreement that is not mentioned quickly will be-come an avalanche of water. The verse has a command to stop the dispute before it breaks out. Usually when an interpersonal disagreement is taken to court, the rela-tionship is lost, since a legal decision confers permanence on the disagreement. How
much better to reconcile the relationship permanently!
KJV (Proverbs 17:19) He loveth transgression that loveth strife: and he that exal-teth his gate seeketh destruction. (Sin)
(HCSB) One who loves to offend loves strife; one who builds a high threshold in-vites injury.
Someone who loves to offend responds to touchy social situations with ag-gression. This one stomps into interpersonal conflict, often saying something like, This is just the way I am; deal with it. This person loves strife: he or she seems for some healthy reason to thrive on it.
KJV (Proverbs 26:21) As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a con-tentious man to kindle strife. (Witnessing)
(HCSB) As for coals for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kin-dling strife.
Embers and fire are apt analogies for potential interpersonal conflict.
In virtually every relationship, conflict often smothers beneath the surface ready to flame up at the slightest provocation. A quarrelsome man is the charcoal and wood that fuels the fire. Instead of looking for middle ground this kind of per-son looks for the battleground.
KJV (Proverbs 14:22) Do they not err that devise evil? But mercy and truth shall be to them that devise good. (Sin)&(Love)
(HCSB) Don't those who plan evil go astray? But those who plan good find loyalty and faithfulness.
Some people work carefully and diligently toward doing what is wrong. As a result of such degeneracy, they wander off the right path alone. They then lose the possibility of living in fellowship with the people of God.
KJV (Proverbs 17:17) A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adver-sity. (Family)
(HCSB) A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.
There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend.
The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (1 Corinthians 13:7) --- being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. To many people are fair weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they're not getting anything out of the relationship. Think of your friends and assess your loyalty to them. Be the kind of true friend the bible encourages. A real friend is one of the most important blessings we can have in our lives. Whether the weather of our lives is fair or foul, friends will continue to love.
1. We are to use godly care in what we say and how we say it.
2. We are to be patient with one another, never allowing our tempers to control our behavior.
3. We are to consider carefully how what we do may impact relationships with other people and, with God's help, do all that is possible to build and maintain healthy re-lationships.
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Daniel McGee: Teaches Adult Sunday school at South River Baptist Church, States-ville NC. He may be reached at: 172 Seven Springs Loop, Statesville, NC 28625
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